Epic fail

Jan. 4th, 2010 02:26 am
As always, I fail. I had planned to write part three of La musica delle parole until the end of 2009 (happy new year, btw). Well, so far I didn't write a single line that is even worth working on. I'm paralysed by everyone's expectations. Writing one-shots is a lot easier than writing the sequel to a fic everyone loved. (Honestly, I feel about as paralysed and helpless as when I was supposed to write the last chapter of Out of Control, and everyone wanted me to come up with a happy ending, and all I could do was wonder which one of my main characters I'd have to kill.) But, don't worry, I'm very determined that my next IB fanfic will be said sequel ... I'll do my best. I don't believe in resolutions for the new year, it never works anyway. But, still, I'm very determined to get this written asap. After that I will get working on the Landa/Hellstrom/Zoller-threesome I've been talking about for months. The first chapter (the one without porn) is already finished, and has been finished for months. I just didn't want to post it before at least starting to write the porn.

My writing efforts have been concentrated on historical RPS. Damn Heydrich for being so intriguing (and hot). No, this does not change anything about my political opinions; just to clear this up before somebody starts calling me a Nazi. mezzafredda and I wrote the most epic Heydrich/Marseille porn. Should be posted soon, after a bit more editing. Nothing like nazi porn to start the new year. :D And I'm working, alone, on a Heydrich/Schellenberg-ficlet, which is being a bitch to write. But it will work out. It has to. Good thing about having people like Hellstrom in your head? They tell you to stop being a lazy bitch and work. ;) Sometimes it works.

Also, I'm being a good girl and practising the piano more regularly. The Tempest sonata almost sounds acceptable again, although it's far from being perfect. I also started to practise the Appassionata again. God, I forgot this feeling of complete physical and emotional exhaustion and satisfaction when you've played a Beethoven sonata ... Who needs sex? I can't decide which sonata I want to play next (i.e. when my skills reach their old level again, which will take another few weeks, if not months). I'm very tempted to try playing the 3rd movement of the Moonlight, but I'm not sure I wouldn't fail hopelessly. My megalomaniac side is yelling "Play the 32rd!" ... but let's not get carried away. I love the 32rd, and playing it must be a wonderful experience ... but I'd rather not play it all than play it badly. So, yeah, maybe I'll have another try at the Waldstein sonata - I started practising it over a year ago, just before I fell into my big depression hole and stopped practising altogether. I didn't get far back then, but with enough determination it might be feasible. I'm considering to get a new piano teacher; I know I should, but I feel so ashamed of how it currently sounds ... Maybe in another few weeks, when I will dare to play something in front of a teacher without dying of embarrassment. It's just hard to motivate yourself when all you can think is, "I played this perfectly a year ago, and now it sounds so bad!"

I found a few more passages of Les Bienveillantes which I'd love to share, but I'm afraid I'll end up quoting (and retranslating -.-) half the book. Ah, I'll have to see about that. And the world needs Thomas/Max-slash, did I mention that? Thomas needs to fuck this nonsense about only loving his sister out of Mäxchen ... Tsk. We all know Max has a (very twisted, fucked-up) crush on Thomas.

Enough procrastinated. Back to Heydrich and his rambling about fate, while Schellenberg is contemplating how to seduce him.

Yay, five of my six written exams lie behind me! Now I've only my English exam left (which is tomorrow), and while that's the one I care about most, I know that it will be less difficult for me than the other exams. I survived in one week History ("Communism in international relations from 1918 to 1953"), French Literature (something about novels and morality, I'm too lazy to translate the whole subject), Sociology ("How can the role of the middle classes in French contemporary society be described?"), Maths (you don't want to know what that was about), and today Philosophy (with the "wonderful", short and complicated subject: "La servitude", which means about the same in French as in English ;)). Damn, I'm tired and I feel like my right arm is going to fall off from too much writing. But it's almost over. I still have classes in June, but no exams anymore, except for a couple of oral exams because my professors think that oral exams are soooo much fun! Yeah, maybe, if you're the one who's asking the questions.

I'm pissed off because my mp3-player died this week. I guess I shouldn't be surprised after two and a half years of daily use, but still. My poor money. *grumble* Not to mention that I won't be able to buy a new one before July, because I'm going to buy it in Germany, where such thingies are much less expensive than in France. I will have to find a new way of ignoring everyone around me. *grin*

Then again, I'm happy because I got many many nice reviews for the
latest chapter of Kindred Spirits. :D I'm all the happier because I had so much fun writing it. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter; I'll try to start this week, maybe even tomorrow. So many things to do. *hops around happily* Kimmuriel and Rai-Guy are making everything even more complicated, and I love complicated. In the beginning. I hate it once I have to get the characters (and myself) out of the mess again. ;) But I can promise you that I won't mess it up the way I did with Out of Control. I couldn't make my ... well, not my OTP, because it's not the only one, but one of my TTP (two true pairings ;)) ... unhappy.

Ooooh, and I've had another stupid idea for a one-shot. I was thinking of an alternative version of what happened in Coming to Terms, one in which Artemis can't accept what he wants. Just a whole lot of angst and denial and sexual frustration. I have no idea why I want to write that. It won't even have smut in it. Okay, nobody reads my stories for the smut anyway, because I can't write smut. Still. So, I have no idea if I am actually going to write that or if it is just another annoying idea that will leave me alone if I ignore it long enough. I don't know, would anybody be interested in reading something like that?
Other things to write, for those who are interested: thousand more chapters of Kindred Spirits (at some point, you are going to beg me to stop ;)), a Rizzen/Dinin-companion piece to
The Seduction of Innocence (thanks to Ziggy for giving me the idea ^^), some Jarlaxle/Zak-stuff, a short Berg'inyon-Jarlaxle scene, and some day I might just continue Of Faith and Loyalty. *chuckle* It's not that I don't want to, but I don't know where I want to go with that story. And other stories are just more important to me right now.

And I found myself more music! :) I've been listening to nothing but Kurt Weill for a few days now. If you don't know who that is; well, to make it short, he was a German and later American composer (1900-1950), who is mostly known for writing the music to Bertolt Brecht's musical theatres (The Threepenny Opera, for example), but he has also composed many other things. And some of those songs are just so beautiful. *sigh* They make me want to start taking singing classes again. I miss singing. :(



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