Epic fail

[linndechir]

As always, I fail. I had planned to write part three of La musica delle parole until the end of 2009 (happy new year, btw). Well, so far I didn't write a single line that is even worth working on. I'm paralysed by everyone's expectations. Writing one-shots is a lot easier than writing the sequel to a fic everyone loved. (Honestly, I feel about as paralysed and helpless as when I was supposed to write the last chapter of Out of Control, and everyone wanted me to come up with a happy ending, and all I could do was wonder which one of my main characters I'd have to kill.) But, don't worry, I'm very determined that my next IB fanfic will be said sequel ... I'll do my best. I don't believe in resolutions for the new year, it never works anyway. But, still, I'm very determined to get this written asap. After that I will get working on the Landa/Hellstrom/Zoller-threesome I've been talking about for months. The first chapter (the one without porn) is already finished, and has been finished for months. I just didn't want to post it before at least starting to write the porn.

My writing efforts have been concentrated on historical RPS. Damn Heydrich for being so intriguing (and hot). No, this does not change anything about my political opinions; just to clear this up before somebody starts calling me a Nazi. mezzafredda and I wrote the most epic Heydrich/Marseille porn. Should be posted soon, after a bit more editing. Nothing like nazi porn to start the new year. :D And I'm working, alone, on a Heydrich/Schellenberg-ficlet, which is being a bitch to write. But it will work out. It has to. Good thing about having people like Hellstrom in your head? They tell you to stop being a lazy bitch and work. ;) Sometimes it works.

Also, I'm being a good girl and practising the piano more regularly. The Tempest sonata almost sounds acceptable again, although it's far from being perfect. I also started to practise the Appassionata again. God, I forgot this feeling of complete physical and emotional exhaustion and satisfaction when you've played a Beethoven sonata ... Who needs sex? I can't decide which sonata I want to play next (i.e. when my skills reach their old level again, which will take another few weeks, if not months). I'm very tempted to try playing the 3rd movement of the Moonlight, but I'm not sure I wouldn't fail hopelessly. My megalomaniac side is yelling "Play the 32rd!" ... but let's not get carried away. I love the 32rd, and playing it must be a wonderful experience ... but I'd rather not play it all than play it badly. So, yeah, maybe I'll have another try at the Waldstein sonata - I started practising it over a year ago, just before I fell into my big depression hole and stopped practising altogether. I didn't get far back then, but with enough determination it might be feasible. I'm considering to get a new piano teacher; I know I should, but I feel so ashamed of how it currently sounds ... Maybe in another few weeks, when I will dare to play something in front of a teacher without dying of embarrassment. It's just hard to motivate yourself when all you can think is, "I played this perfectly a year ago, and now it sounds so bad!"

I found a few more passages of Les Bienveillantes which I'd love to share, but I'm afraid I'll end up quoting (and retranslating -.-) half the book. Ah, I'll have to see about that. And the world needs Thomas/Max-slash, did I mention that? Thomas needs to fuck this nonsense about only loving his sister out of Mäxchen ... Tsk. We all know Max has a (very twisted, fucked-up) crush on Thomas.

Enough procrastinated. Back to Heydrich and his rambling about fate, while Schellenberg is contemplating how to seduce him.

Comments

[skull-bearer.livejournal.com]

Thomas needs to fuck this nonsense about only loving his sister out of Mäxchen

So much word. I mean, I got to the bit where he says he does not love anyone he sleeps with, and now I'm wondering if I do want to inflict him on my lot. I mean, I love Max, but he's so fucked up I don't know if they can fix him.

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Max just needs someone to hit him over the head so he can stop fantasising about his sister. That should solve a big part of his problems. And, please, this whole "not loving anyone he sleeps with"-nonsense is just Max' attempt to resist Thomas ("he's my friend, so I don't even want to sleep with him, right?").

[deborahkla.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about anyone's expectations. I'm still hoping you'll add a sixth sense so I can read about Dieter fucking Landa, but alas, I know that will never happen. So just write, already.:-) [that was a VERY Jewish expression, BTW.]

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Unless Dieter and Landa turn into aliens and get a sixth sense, no, it won't. Sorry. ;) (Don't worry, I will not write alien!tentacle!Landa/Hellstrom. Iek.)

[deborahkla.livejournal.com]

You just gave me an absolutely dreadful idea for a crossover slash fic, which I promise I won't write: Tentacled Landa & Hellstrom with Kang & Kodos, the aliens on The Simpsons. X-D

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Lalalala, I did not read that, I am not imagining this ... even if Hellstrom would probably have the cutest tentacles ever. Still. No tentacles. No. Never. *whimper*

Ha, see the icon? See it? :)

[deborahkla.livejournal.com]

Nooooo! The dreaded Christoph Waltz Disapproves icon!! ARGHHHH!!!

Hellstrom might have very cute tentacles - all five of them. I imagine I'll get the icon again for that. :-)

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

It's the ultimate weapon. God, this thing is awesome.

First acidpenguin makes me imagine Hellstrom as Jesus, then you make me imagine him as a cute alien with tentacles ... my mind is breaking. ;)

[deborahkla.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of a great cartoon strip published in the old National Lampoon magazine. "Saturday Night on Antares: The Planet with 12 Different Sexes" Tentacled Landa & Hellstrom are staying in alternative universe Berlin on Antares. To have sex they must find 10 more partners. So in addition to Kang & Kodos, they must pick up tentacled Zoller, tentacled Wicki, Tentacled Stiglitz, tentacled Heydrich, tentacled Marseile,tentacled Hermann,tentacled Goebbels and tentacled Hitler...I should stop now, shouldn't I? ;-)

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I never thought I'd say this, but ... compared to THIS, the epic Jesus/Hitler-fic seems normal. *runs off to hide behind (non-tentacled) Heydrich* Although, tentacles would probably make Hitler a tad sexier than he is now ...

[deborahkla.livejournal.com]

In Hitler's case, only the teeniest, tiniest tad. Infinitesmally small. X-D

[machiavelli-imp.livejournal.com]

He must have had huge testicles to go out in public with that moustache. Tentacle!Hitler, good grief. I don't know what to make of that one. I think the Stiglitz/cactus idea should probably go into that fic.

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Where does this whole Stiglitz/cactus-thing even come from? oO

So much win I don't know where to start...

[machiavelli-imp.livejournal.com]

Max, a crush on Thomas? Just a bit. :) When Thomas finally drags him into a brothel I thought it was the perfect chance for Max to exert his pent-up sexual tension in a ménage a trois with Thomas and some arbitrary girl. Sadly no, it turned into a rambling soliloquy about his sister (whom he never managed to fuck anyway when she arrived).

Paralysed by expectations? Isn't the sole purpose of having a firing squad to line up your disgruntled readers and have them shot? Write whatever you like!

Schellenberg, remember all those times Heydrich outmanoeuvred you in inter-departmental tête a têtes? Just throw him over the desk, tie him down and watch those lovely, elegant fingers scrabble helplessly on the wood while you slice his clothes off very carefully with his own SS dagger. There's no need to wait until he finishes soliloquising: in that case you lose the element of surprise.

I wish I had a Heydrich in my head! I might shut up and listen to good advice for once. I do occasionally have a Rommel in my head, complaining about how I have minimal self-discipline and if I continue procrastinating I'll be spanked with a field marshal's baton, but that's more of an incentive than a deterrent. 0.0

Stop taunting me with your epic Heydrich/Marseille porn! *drool* I started writing dirty smut about the pretty pilot boys and it somehow ended up as Göring's bizarre, morphine-addled sexual fantasies. IDK how that happened, but MAKE IT GO AWAY! Also I completely failed to notice the exchange from 0:29:10 "Can I stay in your quarters tonight?"/"Feeling lonely already, are you?" If only Max had tried that...

Dieterchen is a nickname with which I can cope, but I'm not sure about Mäxchen. Perhaps we should just rename every submissive with their diminutive form, except Landa and Marseille end up sounding like a chicken. (Honest! Hanschen. And how do I reduce Heinrich without using Heini? I can tell that Heini and Reini are going to get very confusing.)

Re: So much win I don't know where to start...

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I had hoped for some brothel sex, too. That's how Heydrich got Schellenberg, I suppose. But Thomas and Max just fail at getting laid with each other. *sigh*

It's not that I'm wondering what people would want me to write, but only that they expect me to write something as good as the first two parts. And, independently from what exactly will happen in chapter three, I'm just not sure if it will be a worthy sequel for the beginning.

Schellenberg: *duly notes the advice, will try that later, and probably fail* (The way I see it? He'll try to jump Heydrich, who will think, "oh nice, a pretty boy jumping me" and throw Schellenberg over the desk.)

That's the problem, isn't it? Heydrich occasionally threatens to punish me, too, which doesn't work. Instead now he yells at me at threatens not to talk to me anymore - and I'm a lot more afraid of that.

WTF is Göring doing in your head? Help! And don't worry, the porn will probably posted tonight, or tomorrow if university eats my time again.

I don't like calling him Mäxchen, but I somehow have to call him differently than Stierlitz (who, in my head, is either Max or Maksim). And Maximilien is too long to write and say it every time. Marseille's nickname was Jochen, which sounds horrible, and Hänschen has the added disadvantage of being the protagonist of one of the most stupid German songs for children. I don't think there's any other diminutive for Heinrich than Heini ... (btw, after Heydrich assumes power (yeah, let me live in my AUs), does that make him the Reichsreini, if Himmler was the Reichsheini?)