Epic fail

As always, I fail. I had planned to write part three of La musica delle parole until the end of 2009 (happy new year, btw). Well, so far I didn't write a single line that is even worth working on. I'm paralysed by everyone's expectations. Writing one-shots is a lot easier than writing the sequel to a fic everyone loved. (Honestly, I feel about as paralysed and helpless as when I was supposed to write the last chapter of Out of Control, and everyone wanted me to come up with a happy ending, and all I could do was wonder which one of my main characters I'd have to kill.) But, don't worry, I'm very determined that my next IB fanfic will be said sequel ... I'll do my best. I don't believe in resolutions for the new year, it never works anyway. But, still, I'm very determined to get this written asap. After that I will get working on the Landa/Hellstrom/Zoller-threesome I've been talking about for months. The first chapter (the one without porn) is already finished, and has been finished for months. I just didn't want to post it before at least starting to write the porn.

My writing efforts have been concentrated on historical RPS. Damn Heydrich for being so intriguing (and hot). No, this does not change anything about my political opinions; just to clear this up before somebody starts calling me a Nazi. mezzafredda and I wrote the most epic Heydrich/Marseille porn. Should be posted soon, after a bit more editing. Nothing like nazi porn to start the new year. :D And I'm working, alone, on a Heydrich/Schellenberg-ficlet, which is being a bitch to write. But it will work out. It has to. Good thing about having people like Hellstrom in your head? They tell you to stop being a lazy bitch and work. ;) Sometimes it works.

Also, I'm being a good girl and practising the piano more regularly. The Tempest sonata almost sounds acceptable again, although it's far from being perfect. I also started to practise the Appassionata again. God, I forgot this feeling of complete physical and emotional exhaustion and satisfaction when you've played a Beethoven sonata ... Who needs sex? I can't decide which sonata I want to play next (i.e. when my skills reach their old level again, which will take another few weeks, if not months). I'm very tempted to try playing the 3rd movement of the Moonlight, but I'm not sure I wouldn't fail hopelessly. My megalomaniac side is yelling "Play the 32rd!" ... but let's not get carried away. I love the 32rd, and playing it must be a wonderful experience ... but I'd rather not play it all than play it badly. So, yeah, maybe I'll have another try at the Waldstein sonata - I started practising it over a year ago, just before I fell into my big depression hole and stopped practising altogether. I didn't get far back then, but with enough determination it might be feasible. I'm considering to get a new piano teacher; I know I should, but I feel so ashamed of how it currently sounds ... Maybe in another few weeks, when I will dare to play something in front of a teacher without dying of embarrassment. It's just hard to motivate yourself when all you can think is, "I played this perfectly a year ago, and now it sounds so bad!"

I found a few more passages of Les Bienveillantes which I'd love to share, but I'm afraid I'll end up quoting (and retranslating -.-) half the book. Ah, I'll have to see about that. And the world needs Thomas/Max-slash, did I mention that? Thomas needs to fuck this nonsense about only loving his sister out of Mäxchen ... Tsk. We all know Max has a (very twisted, fucked-up) crush on Thomas.

Enough procrastinated. Back to Heydrich and his rambling about fate, while Schellenberg is contemplating how to seduce him.