linndechir | historical crack fiction about King Cromwell ;D

Today, while taking a break from studying for my Latin exam tomorrow (Latin is pure beauty, btw, I'm in love), I buried myself again in a bunch of books about the English Reformation, which is pretty much the only thing I read about at the moment. So, stalking our dearest Thomas Cromwell (what is it with me and intelligent, efficient statesmen who die too early?), I found a hilarious quote concerning the many accusations made against Cromwell before his execution, many of which were very creative and completely absurd.

"The methods of his accusers are best illustrated by their initial search for someone who would swear that in 1538 Cromwell had announced he would make himself King and marry the Princess Mary."

WHUT? I want crack!fic! I want completely absurd, unrealistic, nutcase crack!fic. I want a mind-breakingly silly scheme in which Cromwell somehow forces Mary to marry him and somehow manages to make himself king without causing an immediate revolution and getting his head chopped off by the nobility. I want King Thomas! I want Cranmer to call him "Your Majesty" in bed. I want Cromwell to put Mary away somewhere and give her a smouldering Spanish boytoy to keep her busy. I want absurd plans and treaties to avoid a war with other outraged monarchs. I want bitching, but completely inefficient Lords. I want CRACK!!!
(Before anyone reminds me of the absurdity of all this ... let me emphasise again that I'm talking about ridiculous CRACK, not serious fic.)
No, really, this would be so much fun to write. Unfortunately I fail at writing crack/humour/parody, it just never turns out funny. And I'm still trying to wrap my mind enough around reformation theology to feel comfortable enough to write Cranmer in character. I think I could get Cromwell right, but Cranmer is more difficult, at least if I want serious fic and not crack. (Because The Tudors made me ship Cromwell/Cranmer like burning, and doing some research about them only makes me want it more. They were so in love. Historical slash ftw. :D)

More hilariousness coming from Cromwell's opponents:
"Finally, someone was found to swear that on 31 March 1539, he [Cromwell] had said in the parish of St. Peter the Poor that the teaching of Barnes and other heretics was good and that, even if the King would turn from it, he himself would not, but would fight in the field sword-in-hand against the King and all others. Bishop Burnet later remarked with justice that had Cromwell really uttered such sentiments, Bedlam would have been a fitter place for his restraint than the Tower."

Poor Cromwell. I like him so much. Why do historical figures I like always die for the most stupid reasons?

*runs back to the beauty that is Latin grammar*

All quotes taken from Thomas Cromwell and the English Reformation, by A.G.Dickens. Nice read, with the distinct disadvantage of not having proper footnotes/references. I hate that, always makes me feel like I can't trust an author.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Cranmer's theology is a complicated and strange creature. He changes as the years go on - steadily becoming more and more Calvinist. Though he initially started out more Lutheran, he changes. Partially because Calvin answers a lot of the theological holes that Luther just kind of ignores.

I will reply in full later when I'm not at work. xD

Yep, I know. It's probably why I can relate to him despite my usual dislike for anything religious. He's so undogmatic. But it's one thing to read about what he makes of this or that theological question at a given time, and quite another really to get into his head and figure out how he would behave in a specific situation. I just -get- some 'characters' (in the widest sense of the word), while others remain really mysterious.

Please do. ^^ Even if it's only to shake your head about the crack. ;)

Okay so I'm just going to hit you in the face (in a nice friendly manner) for saying that Latin grammar is beautiful, you can't say that, even as a joke ;____; I'll blame the Swedish school system for not teaching me enough Swedish grammar to get Latin, and then stick to my japanese, Mmmm lovely grammar(none at all) <3

In the rest of it I don't have a clue what you're on about, but it sounds like fun :D

ROFL. Sorry, I'm a big grammar!nerd. I love languages, and I especially love grammar. Latin is just ... gorgeous. Sorry if school ruined it for you, I only study it at university now, with a wonderful teacher. It's beautiful. :P

I live in my weird little world of historical slash. ;) The guys I was talking about ... in short, Thomas Cromwell, statesman under Henry VIII of England, he ran lots of things in the country until he got executed in 1540 for treason, heresy, and other funny charges. Thomas Cranmer, first protestant English Archbishop, who just happens to be incredibly slashy with Cromwell. To simplify things an awful lot. Watch The Tudors. It's not historically accurate, but it features Hans Matheson as Cranmer. ;)

I'm more of a Word!nerd myself really, etymology and stuff is the reason to live <3 Mmmm, wonderful teachers are...wonderful!

Well, my first thought was "Weren't a lot of people killed for funny charges during Henry VIII?" I really like historical slash, because history is full of crazy stuff (and hot slash)...Mmm slash, we love that! *scampers off*

I adore etymology and the like, but I'm also a grammar nerd. Must be the remnants of my insane maths love back in school. ;)

Haha, you're right, Henry VIII had the annoying habit of having pretty much everyone executed at some point. (Not Cranmer, though, Cranmer only got executed later by Henry's daughter Mary. -.-) I love history, and when a movie or show adds some more visuals for me and gives already interesting people the added advantage of being hot and charismatic, my inner slasher just can't resist. ^^

Probably, it's crazy how math and grammar goes together :D Well, not crazy, but still, interesting ^^

It runs in the family then ;D

I second everything you just wrote about historic tv-series/movies! <3

A bit, yes. Part of the family at least. Poor Cranmer.

I usually think most historical movies are crap, but they can still be fun (depending on how often they make you facepalm, and on how fun they are to make up for the facepalm ;)). I don't know, I probably wouldn't be all that interested in The Tudors if they hadn't a bunch of wonderful actors to keep me watching.

*pats Cranmer...or what's left of him*

The actors are a big part of it yes, if they're wonderful and lovely you can just forgive and forget the historical inaccuracies/facepalms ^^ I watched The Odyssey (1997) the other day and even though it's supposed to be a good film, I just can't like it because I happen to think that Odysseus was one hell of a stupid MF, so I just kept facepalming throughout the whole thing...

Yay for petting Cranmer! :)

Haven't seen that one. But I see your point, some characters are just so stupid you can't enjoy anything they're in. Same for some actors. (*coughscarlettjohansoncough*)

*coughsorlandobloomcough*

It's not historically accurate, but it features Hans Matheson as Cranmer. ;)

For like three episodes before dumping him as a character and then having Brandon and Gradiner play a strange joint role of Cranmer's character.

I'm still confused on how you can have Kitty Howard's and Katehrin Parr's reigns played out sans Cranmer. I mean. He was so central to both of them! (And in very different ways).

I'm trying to ignore that part because otherwise I WILL GET INSANELY ANGRY! ;) What on earth were they thinking? It doesn't make any sense historically, and it doesn't make any sense in the show either. :/ Maybe they thought he wasn't interesting enough because he wasn't naked and making out with random women all the time. Then again, neither was Cromwell, and that didn't bother anyone either.

*will grumble for the next two hours about the stupid show getting rid of its most interesting character*

I LOOOOOOOOVE Latin, even though it's been years and years since I had some in college. I ESPECIALLY love Latin Roots. Once you learn these you've unlocked the meanings to hundreds of words in different languages. Honestly, how could anyone NOT love this? It's like this wonderful key to a part of the linguistic universe.

Or am I just a nerd? Oh, well.

True, true. Also, learning Latin vocabulary by heart is wonderfully simple if you speak English and French, most words just explain themselves. ;) It's a wonderful experience compared to the frustrating process of learning Russian.

We're all nerds. As long as I'm only raving about languages and not writing nutcase-crack-fic, everything's all right. ;)

historical crack fiction about King Cromwell ;D

Sara who CBA to log in.

Re: Sara who CBA to log in.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject