linndechir | FIC: Oh yes they did (RPS: Christoph Waltz/Eli Roth)

Title: Oh yes they did
Author:

linndechir
Fandom: Inglourious Basterds RPS
Pairing: Christoph Waltz/Eli Roth
Warning: RPS, obviously
Rating: PG
Words: 965
Summary: It is generally a bad idea to put sticky tape on a hairy chest.
Author’s note: For

wickedground , because I promised her to write some Christoph/Eli. This is very unpolished, but I didn’t want to keep her waiting even longer than I already did. I apologise for the lack of smut; but my last RPS smut was the biggest pain to write.
Apparently I happily ignored the timeline of the blueberry incidents (I was told that the “I love ONTD”-picture and the boob-pics apparently happened in the same night.). Honestly, I don’t care. Since any RPS fic is sort of an alternate reality anyway, I don’t think it matters much.

“How am I going to get this off now?”

Eli looked down at himself, eyeing the little white slip of paper that read “I ♥ O.N.T.D.” Or rather, eyeing the sticky tape that held the paper to his chest. He was fairly sure that the picture he had just posted would make the fangirls very happy, but somehow the downside of his little stunt hadn’t occurred to him. It was only after he had closed his laptop that his mistake became obvious.

He had a piece of sticky tape … sticking to his chest. His very hairy chest. Ever since puberty Eli hated plasters, because taking them off always meant yanking out some of his hair, which was quite painful. And now he had brought the same misery upon him again.

Christoph looked up and frowned a little. He hadn’t commented much on this whole internet incident, if only because he wasn‘t entirely sure what was going on. Quite honestly, he didn’t want to think too much about Eli and pretty young girls. But Eli seemed to be having fun, and Christoph enjoyed watching him.

He got up from the couch and walked over to Eli’s desk, pointedly trying to ignore the fact that his friend was wearing nothing but a white bathrobe that revealed part of chest and his calves.

“What did O.N.T.D. stand for again?” Christoph asked innocently, although he did remember. He tried to look into Eli’s eyes, gleaming with amusement and good humour. It wasn’t any better than looking at his chest.

“It’s that internet community I told you about,” Eli replied, but despite his enthusiasm he sounded a bit uneasy. “I hope they appreciate the pain I went through to get them this picture.”

He lifted one hand to the slip of paper, tugging a little bit as if he hoped that it would just fall off. It didn’t, and even the small movement made him wince a little. For a second he looked almost miserable, and although Christoph sighed in mock exasperation, he found it quite adorable.

“That was not a very smart thing to do, Eli,” he said in what he privately labelled to be his schoolteacher voice, but which Eli usually called the Landa voice. Predictably, Eli grumbled a little.

“Don’t talk like that,” he muttered, looking away when Christoph sat down next to him. Christoph sighed again, shook his head a little, and then, without warning, grabbed the paper and yanked it off. Eli yelped in pain and surprise.

“You could’ve warned me!” he snapped after the initial shock had passed, staring first into Christoph’s eyes, then at the paper, the tape, and the hair sticking to it. It was almost as bad as seeing blood.

Christoph looked unimpressed. His eyes were focused on Eli’s chest, on a patch of slightly reddened skin that was hardly visible underneath the still thick hair. Without thinking about it, feeling almost hypnotised, he lifted one hand and ran his fingertips over the irritated skin, a soothing touch that definitely shouldn’t have caused a moan.

Christoph looked up, snapped out of his trance-like state, and when his eyes met Eli’s, the younger man flushed in embarrassment. And although Christoph had spent most of the past few days, or rather months, trying to convince himself that he and Eli could simply be friends and that he would have to get over the fact that his friend happened to be immensely attractive, the look in Eli’s eyes was a clear invitation if he had ever seen one.

He leant forward, slowly, giving Eli enough space to retreat without making a scene if he chose to, but he didn’t proceed to kiss Eli’s lips. Instead he bent down a little and ran his lips over the sensitised skin on Eli’s chest, tongue darting out. Barely a second later he felt Eli’s hands in his hair, grabbing him, as much as Christoph‘s short hair could be grabbed. He had no idea how long he simply kissed and licked Eli’s chest, until he felt strong hands slide down from his hair to his upper arms, straightening him up.

Eli looked at him, as seriously as if he expected Christoph to stop, but also with barely restrained desire. He didn’t leave Christoph enough time to wonder about his good luck, nor about the possible consequences of sleeping with a close friend. Not that either of them cared at that moment.

Their mouths met in a crushing kiss, and Eli moved so forcefully against Christoph that they ended up sprawled on the couch the next second, Eli half lying, half kneeling over Christoph. Eli’s hands seemed to be all over Christoph’s body, sneaking under his shirt and caressing him, while his lips slowly kissed their way down to his throat, licking over the soft skin.

Eli suddenly stopped and looked at Christoph, a cheeky smile spreading over his face.

“You know, the girls on these communities would go mad if they knew about what we‘re doing here,” he said, laughing when Christoph blinked at him incredulously. After all, he had also thought Eli had been joking when he had mentioned this gay fan fiction about Inglourious Basterds …

He relaxed when he discovered the mischievous glint in Eli’s eyes. Putting on an expression of feigned impatience, he sat up, glancing towards Eli’s bed.

“Should we not at least do something before you consider telling the internet about it?”

Christoph hadn’t quite expected Eli to jump up in the blink of an eye, pull him on his feet as well and drag him over to the bed so quickly. He was far from objecting, though. And he would make sure that by the time they were done, Eli wouldn’t even know what the internet was anymore.