Why am I doing this to myself?
Nov. 28th, 2010 01:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
linndechirAfter that horrible Schalke match today I needed to cheer myself up. So I did the best thing you can do when you're feeling down. I went and spent way too many hours on ![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=1)
weepingcock . For those of you who don't know this jewel of LJ, it's a comm where people post the most horrible, hilarious, absurd pieces of porny fanfic writing they've found on the internet. Nothing can cheer you up like porn that's so bad it makes you laugh tears, or giggle uncontrollably for five minutes.
Dirty talk fail:
"My butt is filled with all you dick!" (Yes, it's "you dick", not my typo.)
"BOY, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR ERECTION? BECAUSE I'LL HELP YOU FIIIIIIND IT!"
"Oh no! My man-cherry" he cried. "Now I can never be a bride!"
I rolled my body instead, and this was satisfactory for the both of us.
He was hard and ready, his little Beast gorged to the size of a salami.
Stanley quietly gave a loud gasp. It was bigger than he thought and hard as a sexy rock. (The same fic also features "rigid hot dog" as another euphemism for "penis".)
The horror! The hot and horny, soon to be man on man humping horror! (Dear f-list, please read this line out loud. Several times. Try yelling it.)
And then there was this thing that involved "omnipotent nut-nectar" and "divine cockvomit", but you should see for yourself here, because this might just qualify as the worst, most hilarious fanfic ever. Right after Jesus and Hitler: A Romance - but I really hope all of you know that one already, because it's epic. After all it includes lines such as "He started frenching with the Lord" or "Christ slept in the buff". Don't forget to read chapter two, there's a threesome with God in it!
I can definitely recommend having a closer look atweepingcock . It's hilarious, and the comments are often even funnier than the fics.
If you have more epic quotes to share, please do. If you want to yell at me for inflicting this horror on you (THE HORROR! THE HOT AND HORNY, SOON TO BE MAN ON MAN HUMPING HORROR!!!!), I understand that.
weepingcock . For those of you who don't know this jewel of LJ, it's a comm where people post the most horrible, hilarious, absurd pieces of porny fanfic writing they've found on the internet. Nothing can cheer you up like porn that's so bad it makes you laugh tears, or giggle uncontrollably for five minutes.Dirty talk fail:
"My butt is filled with all you dick!" (Yes, it's "you dick", not my typo.)
"BOY, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR ERECTION? BECAUSE I'LL HELP YOU FIIIIIIND IT!"
"Oh no! My man-cherry" he cried. "Now I can never be a bride!"
I rolled my body instead, and this was satisfactory for the both of us.
He was hard and ready, his little Beast gorged to the size of a salami.
Stanley quietly gave a loud gasp. It was bigger than he thought and hard as a sexy rock. (The same fic also features "rigid hot dog" as another euphemism for "penis".)
The horror! The hot and horny, soon to be man on man humping horror! (Dear f-list, please read this line out loud. Several times. Try yelling it.)
And then there was this thing that involved "omnipotent nut-nectar" and "divine cockvomit", but you should see for yourself here, because this might just qualify as the worst, most hilarious fanfic ever. Right after Jesus and Hitler: A Romance - but I really hope all of you know that one already, because it's epic. After all it includes lines such as "He started frenching with the Lord" or "Christ slept in the buff". Don't forget to read chapter two, there's a threesome with God in it!
I can definitely recommend having a closer look at
weepingcock . It's hilarious, and the comments are often even funnier than the fics.If you have more epic quotes to share, please do. If you want to yell at me for inflicting this horror on you (THE HORROR! THE HOT AND HORNY, SOON TO BE MAN ON MAN HUMPING HORROR!!!!), I understand that.
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no subject
Date: 2010-11-28 01:07 am (UTC)VIELEN DAAAANK!
My parents have been bitching at me to do more study after I didn't get a university medal, so I definitely needed some brain-melting comedy to cheer me up. I don't know what was more effective: the image of a "sexy rock" (this is obviously a large boulder wearing nothing but an SS cap and matching lacy garters) or the horrified!Miro wearing purple.
Have you seen
*runs off to look at
no subject
Date: 2010-11-28 01:14 am (UTC)I'm sorry to hear about the bitching parents, I've had some of that myself lately. Glad this could cheer you up. ^^
If you want more, I've got a few other gems mem'd here (http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=linndechir&keyword=bad%20porn&filter=all)
The summary executions sound somewhat familiar, I think I've seen them before. :)
Horrified!Miro seemed even more appropriate to me in this situation than horrified!Lahm:
no subject
Date: 2010-11-28 10:29 am (UTC)Challenge: use sexy rock in a sentence
Response:
It's simple, really; Hans Hotter uses his sexy rock to make Peter Hofmann's cock weep.
Apologies for comment-spamming. I did try to find a phallic meteorite.
Date: 2010-11-28 11:50 am (UTC)You want to put that where?
Oh stop pretending that you don't want to have my sexy rock in your car!
Remember last time you suggested that?
Why won't he accept that that was a total coincidence?
*disembodied voice* ...Because it was revenge for you photographing me in a dress?
BTW, some new clips from Lohengrin (http://community.livejournal.com/wagnerdammerung/2188.html) are up. I've written the end and the start of your Les Bienventailles incest fic, now I just need to connect them. Heydrich should stop insisting that he be taping the whole thing from the next room, it's very distracting.