A pirate, a sociopath and a king walk into a bar ...

[linndechir]

I spent the entire day yesterday figuring out the assignments for the fic and art exchange on got_exchange. Why did I think this was a good idea again? No, to be fair, I really enjoy this whole mod business, it's fun. I just didn't expect 30 participants. Most assignments were really easy because many people like the same characters and pairings anyway, but in the end I was left with a handful of weirdos (including myself), who instead of shipping Jaime/Brienne and Robb/Jon like everyone else wanted fic about the Greyjoys, the Boltons and Stannis. I mentioned to outboxed that it sounds like the beginning of a really weird joke: "A pirate, a sociopath and a king walk into a bar ..." We couldn't find a punchline, though. The joke would probably end with everyone dead anyway.
But it's done now, everyone has their assignments. And so far I haven't had any angry "are you out of your mind, giving me these shit prompts?" mails yet.

Anyway, today, instead of focusing on the prompt I have to write like a good girl, I finally thought a bit about writing some Stannis/Sansa. Spreading the love for my insane pairings and all. But not only would I have to write het (which is, in itself, really hilarious because I usually don't like het and I've never written any in my life), but I realised that I would have to write het from the point of view of a 13-year-old virgin. JUST HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT??? Or rather, how am I supposed not to laugh hysterically when Sansa thinks about his "manhood"? Really? I mean, the scene is supposed to be utterly awkward and weird, but I still don't want to laugh madly while writing it. And I do want to write from Sansa's POV. Omniscient POV wouldn't work, I think, and Stannis' POV ... I'm afraid it would make him look a bit emo, tbh. That man has so many issues, especially when marrying a gorgeous young girl, I'd probably just end up with several pages of self-loathing.

I have no idea what to do about this. Manhood. Who even invented that word? It's so ridiculous.

Comments

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

You think he would look awful in that encounter? Because I imagine he would have wanted to be kind to her during that wedding night. He's not cruel, and he's already self-conscious enough without her crying in pain or wincing in disgust when he touches her. He'd try to be nice to her just to spare himself the humiliation of his wife begging him to stop.
I think it's more other situations in which he looks awful, because he'd probably think that it's his duty to treat his wife relatively kindly in bed, but it's not his duty to make small talk with her about whether she likes hanging out with her ladies in the palace gardens. So in most situations he's probably very gruff and dismissive, while he'd try to be nice in the one situation in which they actually interact as husband and wife, not as king and "that girl I had to marry".

Mhm, I guess we just read it differently. I suppose I would have agreed with you if it were any other character, but with Asha the pre-existing relationship with kinky sex just made more sense to me. *shrug*

I suppose it's sloppy writing, there was a lot of that in ADWD.

[outboxed.livejournal.com]

I think it probably depends on the circumstances of the marriage and everything but I don't think any degree of kindness is likely to make him wholly sympathetic? That may just be me though.
Yeah, it's hard to think of Stannis being loving and in character both at once but I think teaching himself (or maybe having Davos convince him? haha) to do the teeniest acts of kindness could be heartbreakingly tender - especially when the absence of any kind gesture was expected by all, in the light of Stannis' general coldness (especially towards Selyse).

I'm not quibbling about the manner of Asha relationship at all. Asha is totally entitled to have kinky sex games - good for her. But the way GRRM wrote it really did not sit well with me at all, because he really did do it with a ~*~magic mid-sex reveal~*~ that it wasn't rape - unless I missed some vital clue on both readings of it. I have no problem with the plot/action in most of GRRM's sex scenes but the way he writes them is just so ugh-tastic, as I'm sure you'll agree.

True! *sigh* If only I weren't so invested in the characters' fates.

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I find Stannis incredibly sympathetic. ;) But if I do it right, then my fic!Stannis will be as sympathetic or unsympathetic as book!Stannis, and YMMV on how sympathetic that is.
I agree. Davos (and Renly, if we go AU and Renly joined forces with Stannis) will probably have to help Stannis (i.e. beat him over the head with a stick). Like, "it's her nameday, Stannis, you're SUPPOSED to give her a gift -.-" I think Stannis' awful marriage with Selyse would make him try to do a slightly better job with his second wife, at least if she behaves kindly towards him as well. He probably wouldn't want to repeat that.

I see your point. I was probably just not paying enough attention, I often do that during the sex scenes and just go through them quickly. But he is awful at writing them, whether it's on purpose or not, I don't know.

Tell me about it. Sometimes I wish I could just be a Tyrion or Daenerys fan and trust in their almighty plot armour.