A pirate, a sociopath and a king walk into a bar ...

[linndechir]

I spent the entire day yesterday figuring out the assignments for the fic and art exchange on got_exchange. Why did I think this was a good idea again? No, to be fair, I really enjoy this whole mod business, it's fun. I just didn't expect 30 participants. Most assignments were really easy because many people like the same characters and pairings anyway, but in the end I was left with a handful of weirdos (including myself), who instead of shipping Jaime/Brienne and Robb/Jon like everyone else wanted fic about the Greyjoys, the Boltons and Stannis. I mentioned to outboxed that it sounds like the beginning of a really weird joke: "A pirate, a sociopath and a king walk into a bar ..." We couldn't find a punchline, though. The joke would probably end with everyone dead anyway.
But it's done now, everyone has their assignments. And so far I haven't had any angry "are you out of your mind, giving me these shit prompts?" mails yet.

Anyway, today, instead of focusing on the prompt I have to write like a good girl, I finally thought a bit about writing some Stannis/Sansa. Spreading the love for my insane pairings and all. But not only would I have to write het (which is, in itself, really hilarious because I usually don't like het and I've never written any in my life), but I realised that I would have to write het from the point of view of a 13-year-old virgin. JUST HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT??? Or rather, how am I supposed not to laugh hysterically when Sansa thinks about his "manhood"? Really? I mean, the scene is supposed to be utterly awkward and weird, but I still don't want to laugh madly while writing it. And I do want to write from Sansa's POV. Omniscient POV wouldn't work, I think, and Stannis' POV ... I'm afraid it would make him look a bit emo, tbh. That man has so many issues, especially when marrying a gorgeous young girl, I'd probably just end up with several pages of self-loathing.

I have no idea what to do about this. Manhood. Who even invented that word? It's so ridiculous.

Comments

[geeklee.livejournal.com]

to some, manhood sounds better than prick, dick or anything. hey, in the first law trilogy they call it fruits, so don't complain.

and as for sansa, don't think of her as a 13 year old. i know she is, but 13 year olds in that time are very different than 13 year olds today. they don't think of themselves as children and the world doesn't think of them as children. try thinking of her as a young virgin, if you can. that should help. mentally and with experiences, they were far more adult than today's teen.

can't wait to read it :)

ps - even modern 13 yr olds think about sex and "manhoods".

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I usually prefer "cock" in fanfic, but you just know Sansa doesn't use that. Fruits? That's almost as bad as "cream-filled twinkie of love". ;)

Obviously she's more grown-up, but she still is very young, and Sansa (especially if I go AU in the middle of ACoK and all of ASOS and AFFC don't happen to her) is rather naive, dreamy etc. And, let's face it, Stannis is nothing like the kind of man she'd want to marry if anyone asked her. Sansa wants a gallant, handsome knight and all that stuff.

Duh, obviously modern 13-year-olds think of sex, I'd be very worried about them if they didn't. ;) The underage part doesn't bother me in the least. I just have trouble with the language I'd have to use, because I like porn to sound porny. I don't like flowery purple prose. But if I write from Sansa's POV, I can't use porny language. Sansa doesn't think of cocks and fucking, she thinks of manhoods and making love or doing her marital duty or what do I know. And I'm not sure how to write that without making it sound utterly ridiculous. I probably won't manage, because let's face it, most of GRRM's sex scenes also sound utterly ridiculous. But it's okay, I don't want to write that scene because it's hot porn, but because I want to explore how these two characters would get along.

[geeklee.livejournal.com]

cream-filled twinkie of love?

i'm pissing myself laughing :)

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

If you want more bad porn in your life, have a lookg at weepingcock. It's one of my favourite livejournal communities ever. Some posts are horrifying, others are hilarious, most are both. ^^

[kyliesvillain.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear that you've decided to write Stannis/Sansa, I know it has been going around in your head for some time. But a small part of my brain keeps saying: OMG HET! I would have never thought you'd do it.^^

Funnily enough, I know what it feels like, trying to write het when you've only ever written slash (and read more then 95% slash fanfiction). :) Writing het feels strange... especially from the female POV (and that's even stranger considering we both ARE women).

What helps me with writing a female POV is if the woman/girl is quite different from myself. You're facing the problem of writing like a 13 year old girl, I'm facing the problem of writing like a 60+ madam of a brothel... ;)

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I'm so weirded out by myself. ASOIAF makes me ship het, I don't get it. I suppose it's because of the general setting: I want Stannis as king, King Stannis will need a son, he needs a woman to get that son ... so inevitably there will be het. For me it's more about the character interaction than about the porn, because the porn will just be hilarious.

I don't know if I should be glad that Sansa is so different from me or not. On the one hand, I can be sure that I don't write her as my self-insert (well, okay, there might be a bit of drooling at Stannis at later points ;) but she doesn't BEHAVE anything like me). But on the other hand, I'm just so weirded out by her. It makes the whole challenge of writing het even more challenging. I have to keep myself from laughing about her half the time. She'll ask him not to hurt her etc. Nah, but it's going to be fun in the end, I get to write Stannis being awkward, and that's always amusing.

[evoe.livejournal.com]

Manhood is still better than some of the alternatives... I did start reading the books by the way, so I'm pretty pleased with myself right now, because I actually know more or less who you're talking about :)
So far I only got to page 200 or so though, so there's still a lot left to explore! And since I'm kinda reading and watching the whole thing at the same time, I guess it's going to take me some time before I'm through the whole four books. They have to be truly amazing though if they make you consider writing het! :D

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I completely forgot to send you an e-mail with the rec, as I had promised. Glad you started reading and watching anyway. :D Well, you know who Sansa is, but Stannis isn't around yet in the first book. I hope you'll like him. Stannis haters make me sad.

Well, for once GRRM actually writes female characters who are interesting and not just annoying and dumb, that helps. And as I said in a comment above, the het just comes with a setting. In a world where people just HAVE to marry, if only because they need heirs, the het is somehow inevitable.

[nymeri.livejournal.com]

At least I got an awesome prompt that I just had to start on right away, despite still having fandomaid commissions to work on... When did my internet life become so busy?
And what weird requests? I do expect you found a Tywin/Roose shipper for my prompt. ;)

[kyliesvillain.livejournal.com]

I'm so weirded out by myself.
Once again, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. But sometimes a pairing just makes sense and you have to write it. Because nobody else will....

I'm really looking forward to reading your fic. There is not nearly enough Stannis. I'd read almost every pairing, provided that it is written well (and that's something I'm not worried about with you).

What are your reactions about Stephen Dillane being cast as Stannis? Never heard that name before (http://www.theatermania.com/news/images/27329a.jpg). And I just read they cast Carice Van Houten as Melisandre, oh no, I LOVE her, if this is true then I will surely start loving Melsisandre as well...damn.

[alexandral.livejournal.com]

lolololol. You can always have Stannis to ask Sansa to name his "manhood" . he is bossy like that. Or simply ask her to call "him" Davos.?

OK, sorry for being too silly.

I think Sansa can use some other more "polite" version of "manhood", like "phallus, member". BTW, I tried to search in Free Online Dictionary and it doesn't support using "manhood" in "that" way : http://www.thefreedictionary.com/manhood

Did Martin invent it? I love the word, btw, it is funny.

EDIT: Congratulations on the success of your comm!!!! Is someone writing a fic about Greyjoys? I must check this ASAP.

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Rofl. Stannis' dick is called Davos, I can't get over it. This sounds like bad crackfic.

Well, it's not like Sansa will actually say anything out loud (that would be inappropriate, gasp), but if I write her POV, I'm sure she will have some thoughts about his "manhood". God, that word is hilarious.

I don't think GRRM invented it. I've seen it used a lot in badly written, purple prose smut. It's not that rare, but I think it's absolutely awful.

Thank you again for designing the layout, I really appreciate it. :) I never thought so many people would participate, it's wonderful.
Well, some people had prompts about the Greyjoys, and some people said they could write about the Greyjoys. Of course that doesn't mean that someone will actually write one of the Greyjoys prompts and not something else. But you can hope, at least. ^^

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Nobody else would ever write this indeed. I mean, it's ASOIAF, this fandom ships everyone with everyone, but whenever I mention Stannis/Sansa they're just like, "I've never even heard of that pairing, wtf?"

Thanks a lot. You're flattering me again, my ego might take down LJ.

No actress in the world could make me like Melisandre. As for Stephen Dillane, I don't know, he seems to be a great actor, from what I've heard. I knew that my dream cast (Mark Strong) would never happen, so I'm not upset about anything. I'll just wait until we actually see him as Stannis and reserve judgement until then. Same goes for Liam Cunningham, who's a great actor, but looks nothing like what I imagined for Davos. But I'm curious, and I hope they'll be as great as most of the cast.

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked your prompts. I was planning for you to draw for someone else the whole time, until I got to the end, and things didn't work out at all, and I was getting desperate, and then I realised, "ha, but if I have nymeri draw for XYZ instead of for ABC, then all my problems are solved!" Well, not all of them, but some of them. I'm glad you like your prompts, though. ^^ I can't wait to see your art, because I really liked the prompts I gave to you as well.

I had requests like Robb/Daenerys (and of course nobody specifically said that they could write Robb/Daenerys), and I had only one and a half Daenerys/Jorah shippers in the entire exchange (strange, because it's usually such a popular pairing). Then I had a Bolton fan, while most participants were all like "no Boltons!" And I had more people asking for Jon/Robb than I had people writing for them ... It was maddening.

Duh, I had five enthusiastic Tywin/Roose shippers and I couldn't even decide whom to give your prompts. ;)

[nymeri.livejournal.com]

One of the prompts especially floats my boat. ;)

Wow, there's a lot more work than one first thinks behind these events. I'm sure it will end up great though. But there should be more Bolton fans, flaying and backstabing aside, they seem like such a cool House. They seriously call their home the Dreadfort, flaunt their flayed-man sigil, and yet the rest of the North hasn't killed them off yet. I would love some more details on their past conflicts with the Starks.

That pairing needs to be spread, it has o much potential...

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I thought it might, and I very much approve of that boat. ^^

Yep, I'm just like, "why hasn't anyone extinguished this family already?" Ramsay is not all that interesting, imo, but I love Roose so much.

Maybe you should just draw a Tywin/Roose picture anyway, whether you get one as a gift or not. It IS epic.

[nymeri.livejournal.com]

Ramsay is a very flat character this far, but who knows, he might very well get a pov in TWOW and get a turn around à la Jaime. But seriously, Roose is such a cool character, and his ancestors must have been as good to have survived this far.

Maybe I will... Once I get some time to draw for myself again, that is.

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Poor Ramsay is probably just misunderstood. Woah, I should say this in some discussion. People will hate me even more than that one time when I said that Renly's death was justified. ;)

Fandom stress. :(

[lydzi.livejournal.com]

Now I'm trying to picture Stannis's manhood and tbh I see it like a sword somehow so...

I WANT THAT FIC TBH.

Sansa is my personnal bicycle in GOT. I can read any pairing with her in it. I still have my favourite but still.

That exchange has me so excited. I think I'm going to take a coin and flip it to choose between two prompts lol. Harvey Dent style ^^.

Us and our love for pirates and onions :p...

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have no trouble imagining Stannis' "manhood", but let's not go there. ;) I just don't want to call it manhood. DNW.

Haha, thank you, I hope it will get written at some point. I really need to spread the love for this pairing.

Stannis is MY fandom bicycle. I ship him with all of three people, while most characters just make me go like, "meh, sleep with whomever you want, don't care." I ship Sandor/Sansa in the books, but I don't think they could ever be together. Stannis/Sansa could actually be a happy relationship.

Just do both prompts, bwahahah! :D I'm trying to talk everyone into writing more fic.

My brother just read the first Aeron chapter from AFFC out loud to me (he's currently reading the books), it was awesome. He does an epic Aeron impression.
Pirates, onions, and overly lawful kings. ^^

[nymeri.livejournal.com]

Of course he is. I'm convinced there are good reasons behind all his actions, and I don't understand why everyone hates him. He's not had an easy life, you know, and he's had to live a poor life as a bastard, despite knowing he is a lord's son and destined for more. He also had the guts to give Theon what he deserved. The Starks were far too soft; a man like Ramsay is needed to set the North right. It makes me so sad that most of the fandom is to stupid and shallow to realise this. :(

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I agree with you so much! And can anyone blame him for killing his brother? I mean, it was SO UNFAIR that Domeric got a better life just because he was Roose's trueborn son and not a bastard. And then Domeric DARED to try and befriend Ramsay, as if he could somehow make it okay that Ramsay had such a difficult childhood. Ramsay had every right to kill that entitled little brat. Why don't people understand this?

[lydzi.livejournal.com]

Your brother sounds so cool. You need to register him! SHARE THE LOVE XD.

[outboxed.livejournal.com]

I think that sentence should read: "yesterday, I spent the entire day commentspamming someone else's lj with outboxed - oh, and, incidentally, I also sent out the got_exchange assignments". :P Okay, joking aside, good job getting through all of those! I am mulling over which prompt to write right now.

I can't really see Stannis/Sansa. He just would not want to sleep with her. I think you'd be better off having him show his ~love through kindness and understanding or something? And also putting her/their enemies to the sword. ;D

I was rereading the Theon chapters in ACOK earlier and came across a mention of the "iron outline of his manhood" and didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The combination of BAD METAPHOR and MANHOOD was too much for me. I do not like to think about ~*~iron~*~ cocks. There is nothing good about that notion. Noo.

[nymeri.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Domeric clearly knew nothing of how the real world works, and Robb showed us how it goes when such a sheltered person gets to lead. Ramsay, on the other hand, has been forced to face the cold reality, and yet he can be merciful as well as just. After giving Theon the punishment he deserved, Ramsay gave him another chanse to serve loyally, and I hate Theon so much for simply throwing Ramsay's kindness back in his face!