A pirate, a sociopath and a king walk into a bar ...

[linndechir]

I spent the entire day yesterday figuring out the assignments for the fic and art exchange on got_exchange. Why did I think this was a good idea again? No, to be fair, I really enjoy this whole mod business, it's fun. I just didn't expect 30 participants. Most assignments were really easy because many people like the same characters and pairings anyway, but in the end I was left with a handful of weirdos (including myself), who instead of shipping Jaime/Brienne and Robb/Jon like everyone else wanted fic about the Greyjoys, the Boltons and Stannis. I mentioned to outboxed that it sounds like the beginning of a really weird joke: "A pirate, a sociopath and a king walk into a bar ..." We couldn't find a punchline, though. The joke would probably end with everyone dead anyway.
But it's done now, everyone has their assignments. And so far I haven't had any angry "are you out of your mind, giving me these shit prompts?" mails yet.

Anyway, today, instead of focusing on the prompt I have to write like a good girl, I finally thought a bit about writing some Stannis/Sansa. Spreading the love for my insane pairings and all. But not only would I have to write het (which is, in itself, really hilarious because I usually don't like het and I've never written any in my life), but I realised that I would have to write het from the point of view of a 13-year-old virgin. JUST HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT??? Or rather, how am I supposed not to laugh hysterically when Sansa thinks about his "manhood"? Really? I mean, the scene is supposed to be utterly awkward and weird, but I still don't want to laugh madly while writing it. And I do want to write from Sansa's POV. Omniscient POV wouldn't work, I think, and Stannis' POV ... I'm afraid it would make him look a bit emo, tbh. That man has so many issues, especially when marrying a gorgeous young girl, I'd probably just end up with several pages of self-loathing.

I have no idea what to do about this. Manhood. Who even invented that word? It's so ridiculous.

Comments

[geeklee.livejournal.com]

to some, manhood sounds better than prick, dick or anything. hey, in the first law trilogy they call it fruits, so don't complain.

and as for sansa, don't think of her as a 13 year old. i know she is, but 13 year olds in that time are very different than 13 year olds today. they don't think of themselves as children and the world doesn't think of them as children. try thinking of her as a young virgin, if you can. that should help. mentally and with experiences, they were far more adult than today's teen.

can't wait to read it :)

ps - even modern 13 yr olds think about sex and "manhoods".

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

I usually prefer "cock" in fanfic, but you just know Sansa doesn't use that. Fruits? That's almost as bad as "cream-filled twinkie of love". ;)

Obviously she's more grown-up, but she still is very young, and Sansa (especially if I go AU in the middle of ACoK and all of ASOS and AFFC don't happen to her) is rather naive, dreamy etc. And, let's face it, Stannis is nothing like the kind of man she'd want to marry if anyone asked her. Sansa wants a gallant, handsome knight and all that stuff.

Duh, obviously modern 13-year-olds think of sex, I'd be very worried about them if they didn't. ;) The underage part doesn't bother me in the least. I just have trouble with the language I'd have to use, because I like porn to sound porny. I don't like flowery purple prose. But if I write from Sansa's POV, I can't use porny language. Sansa doesn't think of cocks and fucking, she thinks of manhoods and making love or doing her marital duty or what do I know. And I'm not sure how to write that without making it sound utterly ridiculous. I probably won't manage, because let's face it, most of GRRM's sex scenes also sound utterly ridiculous. But it's okay, I don't want to write that scene because it's hot porn, but because I want to explore how these two characters would get along.

[geeklee.livejournal.com]

cream-filled twinkie of love?

i'm pissing myself laughing :)

[linndechir.livejournal.com]

If you want more bad porn in your life, have a lookg at weepingcock. It's one of my favourite livejournal communities ever. Some posts are horrifying, others are hilarious, most are both. ^^